Speak Never and Forever Hold Your Peace
by PartiPooper
Summary: Even though they are engaged to one other, Cartman still has some insecurities about their relationship that exasperate Kyle. (Fluffy Kyman One-Shot; Rated T for profanities.)


Lunch period was never a very eventful thing. People went to the cafeteria, they ate, and then they left, and it happened the same way every single day. Sometimes though there was a slight alteration to the norm – nothing world-shaking or life-changing, but little unexpected things – unusual sights or sounds that made the lunch-goers have to do a double-take. One such lunch-goer one such lunch period was Bebe Stevens. She was sitting opposite Kyle at a table, just eating her salad and minding her own business, but was grabbed like a magpie to something on his finger – something that glinted gold when the sun shining through the window beamed upon it and made her gasp.

"Whoa, Kyle!" she exclaimed, pointing to the diamond ring on his finger. "You're married?!"

"Oh." Kyle laughed, and held his hand up, looking at the ring as though he had quite forgotten it. "No. Not yet, anyway. I'm engaged. Eric proposed over winter break."

Bebe cocked her head at that. "Don't you think you're a bit young? You're still in high school, you know." Senior year, sure, but high school all the same.

"Oh, we aren't going to do anything anytime soon. This is just a promise that we will get married someday."

Bebe parted her lips and reclined her head in acknowledgement, making an awed sound of understanding. "So, you're pretty serious about each other then?"

Kyle shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. It's not that I can imagine spending the rest of my life with him though; more that I can't imagine him not being in it. So here we are."

Bebe smiled and clasped a hand to her chest. "Awh, that's nice. I bet Cartman's happy."

"Well since he's the one who proposed to me I should hope so," Kyle laughed. "I can never tell with him though. He _seemed_ happy." Indeed, when Kyle had said yes, Cartman had seemed very happy, grinning widely and acting like a cocky asshole, saying he knew Kyle was going to say yes all along, even though he had been a stuttering mess when proposing. His hands had been shaking, and he had dropped the ring twice. He had been on the floor not so much because he had gotten down on one knee, but more so because he had been there anyway rooting around beneath the couch for that dratted ring. Kyle smiled at the memory. "It was kinda cute, y'know. He dressed up too – combed his hair and put on a nice sweater." He shook his head fondly. "I swear, he's the biggest dumbass I know."

Bebe giggled. "You sound like you really love him."

Kyle flushed slightly and shrugged. "I guess."

Bebe couldn't help giggling again at Kyle's expense, but she sobered up quickly. "What about your family?" she asked. "What do they think about it?"

Kyle grimaced. "Mixed reactions. My dad was a little concerned about our age, like you were, but he was happy when we told him we weren't getting married for a few years yet. Ike keeps teasing me about it." He chuckled as he remembered the way his brother had been singing _"Cartman and Kyle, sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G…"_ under his breath in passing and making kissy faces. He was back to frowning though as he thought of his final family member. "My mom…Well, she…" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "…Let's just say we haven't managed to hold a conversation that doesn't end in fighting about it…I'm not mad at her though. I get why she's upset. I just wish she'd trust me a little more – realise that I'm not stupid and that I'm not going to _do_ anything stupid."

"You said yes to Cartman," Bebe said with a smirk.

Kyle chortled and shook his head. "Yeah, I guess that _was_ pretty stupid of me."

"What was?"

Kyle and Bebe turned their heads to see Cartman stood by their table, having just arrived. They looked back to each other shortly though, to share a conspiring look of amusement. "Nothing. Just that I tripped earlier," Kyle rep_lied_, before patting the seat next to him. "You took your time. Where've you been?"

Cartman slid into the seat next to Kyle, and leant into him, snaking an arm around his waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Teacher held me back." he said after he had pulled away, though his arm remained around Kyle, his hand rubbing up and down his waist in a way that was too nice for Kyle to pretend he minded. "He told me the usual inspiring stuff: I'm a delinquent, my grades are worse than my home life and that's saying something, I'm going nowhere in life, blah blah blah."

Kyle whipped round to face Cartman at that, from calm to irate in point one of a second. "He really said that?!" Cartman shrugged like it didn't bother him, but that only made Kyle all the more ruffled. "What an asshole! He shouldn't be allowed to say that kind of shit! Actually, I don't think he is. You should take this to the principal, Eric. Your teacher should be chastised for insulting students and discouraging their learning."

"Not plural, Kyle. It's not students – it's just me. That guy has it out for me, big time. He's been trying to get me kicked out ever since his marriage ended."

Kyle frowned and turned back to his plate to stab a fry. "That's disgraceful. He shouldn't be taking his personal problems out on you."

"Well I_ am _the one who broke his marriage up, so…"

Kyle whipped round again, to stare slack-jawed at Cartman. "You did what?!"

Cartman shrugged. "He gave me a D on my test at the start of the semester. What was I supposed to do?"

"Retake the test and study harder next time!" Kyle cried, and then groaned as he slapped his palm to his face. "_Jesus_, Eric!" Cartman frowned, like he didn't get what was so bad about what he had done, which he probably didn't, and looked to Bebe quizzically in case she was any the wiser. Bebe, desperate not to bear witness to an engagement being called off before her very eyes, jumped in to do something she had never imagined herself doing and help Cartman.

"At least it wasn't as bad as what he _could_ have done. Cartman's getting better, see?"

"He broke up a marriage over such a small thing!" Kyle yelled, throwing his hands up into the air. "What'll happen when we get married?!" he asked, turning to face Cartman. "Are you going to divorce me when I make your sandwich wrong one day?! _Jesus!_"

Jesus poked his head through a nearby window. "Yes, my son?"

Kyle sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, not you, Jesus."

"Oh. Okay." Jesus dejectedly withdrew his head from the window.

"Don't worry, Kyle." Cartman flashed his usual charming grin and nudged Kyle closer by the waist. "I'd have to be stupid to divorce you."

"But you _are_ stupid," Kyle replied.

Cartman frowned and narrowed his eyes. "Ay. I proposed to you. Be nice."

Kyle glowered back at him. "Hey. I said yes to you. _You_ be nice."

Bebe fidgeted in her seat, feeling less than comfortable as she watched the couple staring each other down like they were in an old western show-down, thinking about how some tumbleweed whistling past in some desert dust would be oh so fitting, severely wishing to be saved from the awkwardness. Her prayers were answered, as Stan, Wendy and Kenny appeared at the table.

"Yo," Kenny laughed, amused by the couple's usual glaring competition. "What's happening now?"

"I'm engaged to a sociopath, that's what," Kyle replied, and finally broke the glare as he rolled his eyes and turned to his tray of food with an exasperated shake of his head, giving up because it was too late to do anything about it, he knew. He had already gone and fallen in love with no hope of getting out of it.

"Oh, yeah," Stan sounded to have totally forgotten the news. "That's right, you guys are engaged now. Huh." He sat himself down on the other side of Kyle, not noticing the way Cartman pulled the redhead closer to him, away from his super best friend. "Still weird to me."

"Agreed," Wendy nodded as she sat down opposite Stan, and Kenny sat in between her and Bebe. "I was under the impression that you hated Cartman as much I do, Kyle."

Kyle glanced at Cartman beside him, feeling all manner of emotions as he did – annoyance, exasperation, love – but nothing that resembled hatred. "Not quite."

"Well I for one think Cartman should feel lucky to have you." Wendy shot Cartman a meaningful look. "After all, you're way too good for and could do much better than an asshole like him."

Out of the corner of his eye, Kyle noticed how Cartman's expression fell, seeming to take that to heart, and though her words had been well-intentioned towards him Kyle couldn't help feeling a spike of anger flare up within him upon hearing them and seeing the effect they had on Cartman. How dare she decide who was or wasn't right for him? How dare she think it okay to insult his fiancé? A muscle twitched in his jaw as he tried to bite back a retort that would surely turn the mood at the table stony, and Kenny seemed to notice since he blurted out an abrupt, loud proclamation to distract from the growing tension.

"Hey, Bebe, your tits are looking great today!"

Bebe gasped and threw her hands across her chest, whilst Wendy whacked Kenny in the back of his head, smacking him face-first into his plate of food. Kyle sighed as he looked upon his fallen friend, who had sacrificed himself for his sake. _'Thanks, dude. I owe you one.'_ While Kyle was sympathetic to Kenny though, Cartman just laughed uproariously, pounding his fist against the table.

"Ahahaha! Kenny, you dumb asshole!" He quieted though, when Kyle swatted him in the face. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Do I ever need a reason?" Kyle replied boredly, picking up his can of soda and sipping through the straw. That had the whole table laughing, especially Wendy, except for Cartman, who grumbled something or other insulting under his breath and let go of Kyle to turn sulkily away from him. _'Oh, he's having a sulk. How charming,'_ Kyle thought, rolling his eyes and deciding not to pay any mind to his petulance.

Conversation was friendly from there onwards, and after a while of getting no attention for it, Cartman decided to come out of his strop, but even so he wasn't quite as loud as usual. Even after they had left the cafeteria and were walking down the hallway hand-in-hand – earning weird looks from passers-by and bystanders in doing so, what with still being seen as such an odd couple – Kyle was surprised by how quiet Cartman was. He wouldn't have brought attention to it since sometimes – unbelievable as it was – Cartman could and did be quiet, but there was something about his expression that seemed sombre, so that Kyle felt the need to squeeze his hand and ask, "You okay?"

"Hmm?" Cartman looked down at Kyle walking beside him, seeming rather out of it as he did. "Oh. Yeah. Fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, no, I'm fine, really…It's just…" Kyle waited patiently for Cartman to get out what was on his mind, but was disappointed when Cartman just sighed and looked away again. "…It's just nothing."

It sucked, Kyle thought, that even though they had been together for all their lives, even though they had been going out for years, even though they were engaged to one another, even so Cartman still couldn't find it in himself to confide in him. It made Kyle frown, and tighten his hold on Cartman's hand as he led him to a little secluded corner between the wall and a row of lockers. He situated himself in there, brought a bewildered Cartman in closer to him, and held him there by a hand at each hip as he fixed him with a meaningful look.

"Eric," he began slowly, "you know you can tell me anything, right? So spit it out. What's up?"

Cartman's frown deepened and he looked away, observing a crowd of students gaggling past. "I told you, it's nothing. I'm fine."

Kyle groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh, please!" He reached a hand up to grip Cartman's face, digging a thumb into the hollow of one cheek and a forefinger into the other and pulling him around to face him again, giving him fish-lips in the process. "You really expect me to believe you're fine with a face like this? Since when did you get so bad at lying?" He let go and Cartman looked defeated, knowing he had been sussed. "Come on. I'm not asking you, Eric, I'm _demanding_ that you tell me what's up, or else."

"Or else what?" Cartman challenged.

Kyle smirked. "Or else we'll see whether you still have to sing the whole of 'Come Sail Away' by Styx."

Cartman gasped. "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me," Kyle said, before taking a deep breath, preparing to sing. "_I'm sai-_mmph!" Cartman clamped his hand over Kyle's mouth, eyes wide and panicky.

"Okay! Okay, I'll talk! Just…just don't start that shit, alright?" He seemed to be waiting for an answer – a sign that it was okay for him to uncover Kyle's mouth without running the risk of singing a four minute song in half that time really loudly while clutching his head like some sort of freak, which would make him look totally not cool in front of everybody. Kyle nodded that it was alright, so Cartman pulled his hand away with a sigh of relief. "Okay. Fine. It's _not_ nothing. It's…" He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "…Geez, you're gonna think I'm so lame."

"Awh, don't worry, honey. I already do," Kyle teased, pinching his cheek mock-adoringly. Cartman glared at him, so Kyle chortled and let go, but gave him a parting flick on the cheek. "Kidding. Go on, what is it?"

"It's just…What Wendy said back there…You didn't say anything, so…Agh, I was thinking, maybe you agreed with her. I mean, you _could_ do better than me, everybody and their fucking mom knows you could, so…"

Kyle sighed tiredly and looked down to shake his head as he massaged his temple. "_That's_ what was on your mind? Just how dumb are you?"

"Ay! I am legitimately concerned for the well-being of our-mmph!" It was Cartman's turn to be silenced as Kyle pinched his lips between his thumb and forefinger.

"No, just shut up with bullshit like that. I said yes, didn't I? I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't happy with you. Isn't that enough for you? I don't care who other people think I should be with, or how much of an asshole you are, or what the fuck ever. I _want_ to be with _you_. Got it?" Kyle let go of Cartman's lips, so as to instead wrap his arms around his torso and squeeze him tightly, and rest his cheek against his chest. "Yes, you act like an asshole and do stupid things, but that just makes me want to be with you more. I need to keep an eye on you, otherwise I can't relax. I need to be with you," Kyle said, and then nuzzled his face into Cartman's chest as he made the closest thing he could to a proclamation of love without gagging. "I don't hate you."

He looked up after that, and was delighted to see Cartman smiling, but not his mischievous or malicious or teasing or smug smile – none of the smiles that made Kyle want to punch him in the face. It was his _real_ smile – the one he only showed when he was truly happy, when he truly loved who he was showing it to. He brought a hand up to rest at Kyle's cheek, which he rubbed gently with his thumb, and then he gave the closest thing he could to a verbal reciprocation of love without making either of them cringe. "I don't hate you either."

Kyle smiled back at him, and he grabbed the turned-up collar of Cartman's jacket so as to pull him down to his height for a kiss, which he returned only too eagerly. Cartman moved in closer, pressing Kyle further into the corner, and Kyle allowed him to gladly, appreciative of how warm it was, like standing in an insulated room, or being tucked tightly under a heated blanket. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and sighed contentedly as Cartman's hands found his waist.

"Hey, guys, get a room!"

They broke the kiss, and Cartman glared over his shoulder and Kyle looked past him in order to see Clyde grinning like the goof he was, chuckling along with Jimmy. Even Craig had the ghost of a smirk on his face. It was frustrating, Kyle thought, since them being in a _secluded_ corner was supposed to shut out the rest of the world. Cartman seemed to think the same, since he grunted unappreciatively at them.

"Fuck you, dickbags."

"No, you," Craig replied, and performed his infamous flip-off, which had become almost graceful in all the years he had spent mastering it. Cartman growled in response, but Kyle huffed and tugged sharply on the collar of his jacket, bringing Cartman round to face him and pay attention to him again.

"Just ignore them. I'm not done kissing you," he said, causing Cartman's frown to fall away, to be replaced with a smirk.

"Good. Me neither," he replied, and then he leant down and their lips met once more, as they would surely do again, many times over, if the ring on Kyle's finger was any promise. They were intent on being stuck together, no matter what anyone else thought. For all they cared, the rest of the world could just speak never and forever hold its peace.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

**In the words of Britney Spears: Oops, I did it again. I wrote another engagement fic. I couldn't help it though - engaged losers are totally my thing. I hope they're yours too. If not, then whoops, sorry.  
>I like the idea of <em>"I don't hate you"<em> and _"I don't hate you either"_ being Cartman and Kyle's own person unromantic form of _"I love you"_ and _"I love you too"_. Can this become a thing?  
>This also feels like one of the more ridiculous things I've written, if not <em>the<em> most ridiculous. Maybe it's because of the Jesus cameo. Well, anyway.  
>Thanks for reading this, and I hope you had as much fun doing so as I did writing it.<strong>

**Disclaimer: South Park does not belong to me, but to its creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone.**


End file.
